Phantom Coffee Stirrer-Leaver Gets Fancy
Friday, July 16, 2010 at 11:41AM Seattle, WA—The unknown coffee-stirrer leaver has once again struck- and this time, they’ve added a new weapon to their arsenal.
Over the past year, office tenants in the Porter Novelli Seattle office have come in to work in the mornings to find a used coffee stirrer placed in front of the coffee pot. At first, no one mentioned the nearly daily occurrence but many people noticed the mysterious stirrer and some have even speculated on the reasoning behind the placement.
“I thought someone was leaving an offering to the coffee gods,” Brent Camara, a witness, said. “He is a wily and capricious god and demands many offerings throughout the day.”
Dubbed simply as the “Phantom,” workers have begun to speculate on his or her identity.
As Amy Smith, another witness to the Phantom’s work throughout the months, said: “Every day I see those sticks, and I wonder...hmmmm who put them there? It is SUCH a mystery!"
The Phantom recently escalated their attacks on kitchen cleanliness by using a fork in place of the usual stirrer, causing even more- (turn to page A5 for additional content)
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Yes, I’m being totally passive-aggressive and no, I don’t care. I’m sure I’ll get hate email for this but it’s gotta be done, folks.
For the past… I don’t know… year, someone’s been leaving their used coffee stirrer next to the coffee pot. It might be because the recycling and garbage bins are too far away from the counter (cue: extreme sarcasm) or it could be that the Phantom Stirrer has truly good intentions and would like the next coffee-addict to take advantage of a used straw.
In the first case, the Phantom Stirrer is simply lazy or forgetful. Or both.
In the second case, the Phantom Stirrer is a sweet but misguided coffee lover.
I choose to believe the latter (because Porter Novelli people ROCK and don’t you forget it) but let’s ask the entire office in an informal poll:
When you see a used stirrer with dried coffee stains in front of the pot, do you:
-
Use it
-
Make a face and leave it there
-
Throw it away
If you want to participate, please leave your answer in the comment section. For the curious at heart, I usually do the second or third choice, depending on how grouchy or helpful I feel in the mornings.
Anyway, this week we ran out of stirrers so what did the Phantom do this morning? They got fancy!
That’s right. Instead of simply carefully shaking their cup to mix creamer into their coffee, the Phantom chose to use a fork. You see that everyone? That’s creativity. That’s thinking outside of the box. That right there is in-no-va-tion.
Honestly, it may or may not be one person. There might be more than one Phantom (unlike the Highlander, in which there can only be ONE). Whoever you are, wherever you sit, all I have to say is: Congratulations- you helped me come up with a Fizzle-Pop post and a poor imitation of a news article.
Fizzle, Porter Novelli Seattle, random, sarcasm in WTF
Reader Comments (12)
I make a face and leave it there
I've always taken the coffee sticks as somebody marking their territory and as such I haven't been drinking coffee. If I only knew that wasn't the case I would not have spent so much money at Starbucks buying coffee when we had a full pot in the kitchen.
You know what really grinds my gears? People in the 19th century. Why don't they get with the freakin program? It's called an automobile, folks. It's much faster than a horse!
I will, in order of frequency:
1. Make a face and leave it there
2. Throw it away...if it's our kitchen duty week
3. Use it as a makeshift toothpick if unable to find an actual, honest-to-goodness toothpick
I'm the same way. I either make a face and leave it there or throw it away.
Dear Kristin,
You are welcome.
In future posts, please reference me as The Phantom...with a capital The. My lawyer and reputation management firm would appreciate it.
Sincerely,
The Phantom
Dear The Phantom,
Are you also the PNSeattleFakeIntern?
Sincerely,
The Management
I think I'm still following the PNSeattleFakeIntern to see if they'll ever post again...
Dear Phantom,
I am truly impressed with your unfailing ability to stay incognito, as not only have you let the author of this post know that you are aware of this article elevating your legend, but you actually left a COFFEE FILTER PAPER TRAIL of this awareness at the author's desk this afternoon!
Phantom, my wish is that you reveal yourself - or a clue as to your identity - at the next Fridayside.
Here's hoping,
Meghan
i nominate The Phanton for Gary's CEO innovation award :)
To the comment above: Comment WIN.
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