I don’t think it gets much more symbolically American, food-wise, than the hamburger. In its most basic form, it’s a simple sandwich: Bread, meat, bread. But rarely do we ever eat it that way. We slather on condiments, we add cheese (nearly standard) and bacon (should be standard), we introduce plants (onions, tomatoes, lettuce) all to make a burger uniquely ours. Your perfect burger is most certainly different than mine. It’s almost a signature.

Seattle has more than a few places that can help you create your signature burger, but for me, the best place is The Lunchbox Laboratory. Small, unkempt and kitschy, this place has an overwhelming number of options to help you create your meat masterpiece. The shakes are great, too.

But recently, a contender for best custom burger joint opened up in Ballard: The Counter. Located in the sort of new Ballard Blocks shopping...thing, The Counter is the cleaned up presentable version of the Lunchbox. When you visit, the first thing you’ll notice (at least the first thing I noticed) is how the signage and typeface make you wonder if you’re not actually about to eat at an office supply store. Once inside, you might be taken aback by the sterile, almost hospital-like interior design of the place. Muted whites and grays dominate, with aluminum chairs. It’s very clean and most certainly antithetical to getting messy with a ridiculous custom burger.

When you enter, a nice person will hand you your menus: clipboards with a list of pre-configured burgers printed on them as well as a pencil and a pad of burger building sheets with the various components on them. This is the ideal way to dine at The Counter. If you come here and select a pre-built burger, then you’re missing the point.

The list of options available to you is extensive (but less so than at the Lunchbox) so I won’t detail them here other than to say you can choose the size of hamburger patty, the type of bun, sauces, cheese, and additions like bacon, onions, etc. On my trip, I built or sort of weird Greek burger, with bacon, feta and tsatsiki. I also got a half and half order of sweet potato fries and fried onions to share with a friend who was with me.

After taking our custom burger slips, the waiter came back less than 10 minutes later with our food, which I thought was pretty fast. This made me suspicious, but I can’t really explain why. I guess I just didn’t want to admit a burger really is “fast food”.

My burger was as I had ordered it, but the tsatsiki was on the side, which I thought was odd. It also wasn’t very good tsatsiki, so maybe they were doing me a favor.

So how was it? Well, it was a burger. It was cooked perfectly (a little pink inside). It was THE burger I built, so I guess I can’t really blame anyone but myself for not being blown away. All of the extras I requested were there, but they didn’t feel like a cohesive thing. It was just a collection of foods picked from a sheet. The experience was as sterile as the dining room I was eating in.

The sides were ok, nothing remarkable.

In the plus column, they’ve got a nice selection of local beers as well as a full bar, which is interesting but maybe a little incongruent to the idea of a “burger joint”.

Ultimately, I think The Counter is fine, but if you’re after a custom-made burger, you can do a lot better in Seattle. I probably won’t be back, but it does make me want to take another trip to the Lab…

Fizzle.

Recently my 4-year old daughter and I decided (well, I mostly did the deciding) to go try out a new restaurant just down the street from our home in West Seattle, Table 35. It’s in the spot previously used by Ama Ama, an oyster bar I never got a chance to check out, and from the outside, looks like a nice place.

When we walked in, the first thing I noticed (“assaulted with” almost seems more appropriate) was the mix of sights and sounds. Loud, possibly live, piano lounge music, with vocals, was coming from somewhere unseen while a basketball game played silently on a large screen television in the back as well as multiple TVs behind the bar. Combine this with the curtain of faux jewels splitting the dining area in two, the sort of modern/sort of retro design choices and the mix of clientele (middle-agers, elderly folks and me and my daughter) and you get a very weird scene. I don’t know how much of a demand there is in West Seattle for a piano sports bar with possibly a senior discount, but there it is.

We were seated pretty quickly and handed our paperwork. Our server was courteous and asked my daughter directly what she would like to drink, which is a nice touch. Often, servers will just look to me as if my daughter is incapable of communication. This always bugs me.

The menu was small, limited to one page, which was nice to see after reviewing the initial menu they posted online when they opened. Unfortunately, it’s still impossible to figure out just what kind of cuisine this place thinks it’s good at, even with the now-condensed menu. A few pasta dishes, a steak dish, prawn etoufee, a few sandwiches...I guess the theme is “eclectic”?

We also received a happy hour one-sheet and a modest list of the grape juices they offer. I like wine, but I’m in no way qualified to judge the quality of a wine list. The happy hour bites looked ok, so I went for one, the grilled garlic chicken skewers with potato garlic spread ($6).

Noticeably absent was a children’s menu, which kind of bugged me. How dare a new restaurant open up in family friendly West Seattle and neglect to provide a children’s menu! Ok, so my indignation was nowhere near that level, but still, if taken from just a good business perspective, to me it would make sense to accommodate the families living all around you. They didn’t even have apple juice. Of course, Matador just down the street doesn’t even allow kids inside, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

With no kids menu, I had to figure out what we could share. I knew most of what was offered she wouldn’t eat (she’s super picky), but pasta’s usually a safe bet and for me, it’s always worked as a decent litmus test for a restaurant: are you a pasta + sauce restaurant or do you take care to make something special? I ordered the Rigatoni Bolognese ($15), admittedly setting the bar low but also giving the restaurant a chance to wow me with a unique take.

To recap, we’ve ordered grilled chicken skewers, some pasta and sauce and two drinks (iced tea for me, a Shirley Temple for the little lady). The drinks come and we wait. And we wait a bit more. A few iPhone games to soothe the savage 4-year old (she loves Topple)…About 20 minutes later, we get both the chicken and the pasta at the same time. Ok, I guess that works, though I sort of assumed the chicken would come as an appetizer.

At this point in the review I should apologize for not taking any pictures of the food, but really, you’re not missing much.

But how did it taste? Well, the rigatoni was pasta + sauce. It wasn’t “bad”, it was just pedestrian, uninspired and boring. But my daughter was eating it, so win? In the plus column, the portion size was good.

The chicken skewers I actually really enjoyed, but the portion size was a bit small. The chicken was prepared well and the potato spread was a nice, if unusual, accompaniment.

Eventually, the server brought the bill. Dinner for one and a half came out to 28 bucks, before tip. I know how math works and bonus! I also know how to read, so the bill wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise was how little the price of this dinner was justified by the quality of the food we just ate. Not a good value.

I’ve got no complaints about the service. Water glasses were filled and the manager/owner even made the rounds, checking in on guests and bussing tables. Nice to see that.

Ultimately, though, I can’t recommend Table 35, and I hate writing that because I so want good quality establishments setting up shop in my ‘hood. The location they’ve chosen seems to be cursed as it’s continuously cycling through failed restaurants (two in the last four years). I was hoping the cycle might have been broken, but given my dinner experience, I don’t think it is. Fizzle.